Vast open skies glittered with stars splashed like paint flicks and a moon so yellow, so round, so perfect called my anxiety filled heart to be still. Warm Summer wind kissed the pale and bruised of my skin, and the cool water whispered a sense of peace my broken soul longed for.

The lake night was the night my heart wanted to plunge into the water’s glistening depths, where the pain of life would no longer be felt. Where the voices in my head that spoke of my rubbish existence and my used state, which was of no worth to anyone, would forever be silenced.

As I gazed at the splendor of the sky, vibrant life energy stirred up by creation was alive and awake and beckoning me to seek the face of a God I wasn’t sure existed, let alone would care for someone as broken and messy as me.

I cried out…

The lake night, the night that was intended to end my life awakened me instead to a very present God. A God who was gently speaking to me without a sound, and was guiding me in and through all things, and somehow, despite the mess and the deep dark hole that I had kept on digging, He was here now, inviting me to seek His face.

The splendor of creation was awakening this wretched girl who was soul numb and dying inside, to the glorious presence of Jesus and entwining my heart to a grander story. His creation was designed to wake us up to Him.

For the last seventeen years, God has been waking me up through His creation, breathing truth words into my soul. Beckoning me to walk this wild faith life that invites us to live wide-awake, and it has happened as His truth words whispered in the midst of living the ordinary everyday life.

I have woken up to the truth that early morning cuddles and silly songs with young ones are holy work.

My soul has come alive as the sun kisses the sea and bounces brilliant colors across the sky or when I've held my baby boys for the first time… and in these moments I've discovered you can’t help but worship Him profoundly and purely.

I come alive where trust is tested, and dreams are shattered, and life doesn’t have the perfect Instagram post because He is with me and He is faithful.

I have experienced authentic relationships over cups of hot tea, long talks, and prayer that leads to healing and restoration because I'm no longer numb and afraid inside.

I now understand that the work God has entrusted to us is the way in which He touches the world through us, where people encounter the face-to-face with God… and it's beautiful.

These life experiences with creation, humanity, and brokenness have been used to wake me up and by His grace, grow my soul into who God created me to be.

That’s what life is meant to do; it becomes the God-at-work, groundwork within that teaches us how to work with and walk with Jesus in the everyday ordinary, waking us up to His presence alive and at work within and around us. It’s like leaven permeating every part of our soul, enlarging and expanding the kingdom of God within us, teaching us, gracing us in our fumbling and stumbling to live into and be the fragrance who He created us to be. We become part of the story He is telling the world.

The invitation to wake up is not just for the select few; it’s for every single one of us. Messy and broken, rich or poor, fatherless or famous, each of us is invited to wake up and live into this wide-awake life with the Creator of the universe. As we live awake, it changes us, it changes the way we see and experience the world around us, and it wakes us up to the grander story being told… His…

If you'd like to learn more about this WILD FAITH Click Here

 

She leans over yet another garment to wash and wonders at the latest whisperings of her cousin Elizabeth’s condition… whispers of a child!

"Wouldn’t that be a miracle,” Mary thought to herself, “a blessing from our One True God!”

 Elizabeth had reached far beyond the childbearing age and Mary had heard the rumors about her cousin…

“She must be living in sin not to be able to have a child…”

Mary just knew this simply was not true of her cousin. Both she and her priest husband Zachariah lived an upright life in front of people and behind closed doors. They chose to live their life for God and in doing so observed all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly. Mary simply did not believe the rumors for one second!

Mary also knew that her God, the One her mother and father had taught her about since she was little, would not punish a woman’s sin by withholding children from her…

No… that was not in His nature…

He is always at work for their good…

His ways are higher than theirs, and this new whisper of her cousin’s pregnancy is proof of His perfect timing and plan. People can see that God is at work! What a testimony to His greatness!

Mary’s heart was bursting with immense joy over the very thought of a possible miracle child. That was the very nature of their God; to bless, to perform the miraculous and to breathe life into the deep places of the heart where hopeful prayer resided daily.

As she lifted the next garment to be washed into the tub, her mind wandered to Joseph. Mary felt her cheeks blush. Closing her eyes, she smiled and thanked her God for this wonderful gift. Joseph was the man she was betrothed to, and she believed he had a heart of gold and would make a great husband and father. He was a carpenter and would provide them with what they needed to live a good life.

Suddenly, a voice startled Mary out of her daydreaming, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

Mary looked up to see a glorious angel standing before her. His very presence felt as though God Himself was there. Then she was troubled. She couldn’t help but wonder what the appearance of this angel meant for her.

The angel, Gabriel, must have read the concern on Mary’s face and He continued to speak to her. Mary listened quietly in awe.

“Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end,” said Gabriel.

Mary’s mind reeled with thoughts. She was so moved that God would choose her for such an incredible act of service for Him. Yet, she did not know how this would take place as she was not married to Joseph and had no way that she could be with child.

Mary asked, “How will this be since I am a virgin?”

Gabriel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.”

It was true! Of course, it was true! God can do anything! Mary never doubted that and now He would work a miracle within her womb… one that the prophecies said would bring salvation and restoration between God and His children forever. Mary’s heart filled with deep joy.

As Mary looked up to Gabriel’s face the purity and true faith that resided within her heart spilled forth, “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.”

Then Gabriel left.

~

Mary felt compelled to leave at once to visit her cousin Elizabeth. She knew the journey would be long and arduous, but she also knew that God would give her the strength she needed.

As she hurried towards the hill country, Mary played the moment with Gabriel over and over again in her mind. Her heart stirred within, and she couldn’t keep the smile from her lips.

She kept thinking, “I can’t believe He would choose me! I am no one of wealth or importance, yet He stooped down and chose me!”

Without even realizing it, Mary had been resting her hand affectionately on her stomach. She had already begun to sense what it means to be a protective mother watching over her child. She giggled at the thought. How quickly her world had changed.

Then it hit her with such force. What would she tell Joseph? Her parents? What would people think of her? Mary swallowed hard. She closed her eyes and remembered the Lord’s goodness and love toward her. This was a gift, and the thoughts of no one but Him mattered to her. She knew the truth, and she knew God would watch over her and provide for her and His son, even if her family would not.

Mary then thought about Elizabeth… could she share this with her? What would she say? Would she kick her out or would she understand as she too had received the gift of a son from God? Despite the rampant questions that flooded her mind, Mary sensed the peace and sovereignty of God over this visit.

When Mary greeted Elizabeth upon her arrival at Zechariah’s house, Elizabeth’s response caused her to stop in her tracks.

Elizabeth gasped, and a delighted laugh spilled forth. She was filled with the Holy Spirit, and in a loud voice, Elizabeth exclaimed, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!”

Mary was overwhelmed by Elizabeth’s words. She knew things that no one other than God and His heavenly hosts knew! What a joy to have someone to share this with! What a gift from God!

Mary sensed the Spirit of God was very present; she couldn’t help but burst out words of praise and worship to their Creator.

She began to sing, “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me and holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, just as he promised our ancestors.”

The pair stayed up chatting about the goodness of God, dreaming of the days ahead with their heaven-breathed boys. They pondered over things like, who would they look like? What colored eyes would they have? What things would they teach them and how would they do this? Then they would fall to their knees and worship their Heavenly Father again.

Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home.

~

When the time came to tell Joseph about all that had happened, Mary prayed he would believe her… rehearsing what she’d say to him over and over again…every time she tried to explain it, it just seemed so untrue.

She had been right in her thinking though; Joseph did not believe her and had mentioned a quiet divorce because even though they were not married, they were betrothed.

Mary was initially disheartened. However, she ran straight to her God. She trusted Him and the plans He had for her. She had peace within her that somehow it would all be ok, even though the circumstances did not look that way.

The very next day Joseph showed up at Mary's home. He spoke of an angel that had visited him and explained everything to him. He asked Mary for forgiveness; she smiled at him… it was a hard truth to believe… she understood.

Soon enough it was time for the Census to take place, which meant a long journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem, Joseph’s hometown. Joseph was adamant that Mary would come with him. Though he did not say it, she knew deep down he wanted her to come so he could take her away from the emotional stress of the gossip that had spread now that she was showing. They had decided not to marry until after the birth of this son.

Although not of great wealth, Joseph surprised Mary with a donkey to help Mary endure what would be a very long and tiring passage for a woman with child. Mary was delighted and thanked Joseph; she knew this donkey came at a sacrifice to his finances.

While it was an arduous journey for the couple, the distance created a beautiful time of bonding with the child. He showed signs of his strength through kicks and movements in Mary’s womb. How they both would laugh and marvel at the joy and honor to raise the Lord’s very own son. What would he look like? What kind of man would he grow up to be? How precious the gift! They prayed for much wisdom in raising this boy.

Mary had been right about Joseph; he already was a doting husband and caring father to this unborn child. She could see how God had chosen him for her before her days had entered the world. Mary smiled to herself; she was a truly blessed woman.

One evening while they were staying in Bethlehem, Mary felt a tightening across her womb. Her eyes went wide, and an excited smile escaped her lips. She looked up to see Joseph staring at her wide-eyed. He tilted his head to say, “Now?” Mary nodded, then giggled as Joseph stumbled to his feet in excitement.

~

Joseph and Mary began to look for a quiet space for their baby to be born. The census was taking place in Bethlehem, and despite all their searching, every place was fully occupied. The only vacant space they could find was the animal shelter of an Inn. Joseph’s heart was saddened. He had wanted a special place for the son of God to be born, but he had to accept it straight away as he could tell Mary was just about ready to give birth.

As they entered into the shelter Mary’s eyes darted about, and at once she noticed a little manger, just big enough to be used as a cradle for the coming child. She smiled at Joseph and whispered, “It’s perfect.”

With the presence of heaven eagerly waiting, Mary gave one last push…

A beautiful baby boy was born; Mary sensed Heaven’s joy. He was perfectly pink and so very tiny. Mary looked at Joseph. He was slightly pale, and by the emotion on his face, she could see how overwhelmed he was with love and affection for this baby. He smiled at her. She smiled back as tears of pure joy spilled forth. She pulled the small child to her chest, closed her eyes, breathed him in and lifted one hand to the heavens.

“Thank you, Father… thank you… thank you for our baby Jesus,” she whispered.

After resting a while the child had his first visitors arrive, shepherds.

Joseph felt cautiously protective of his son as shepherds had been known to be a little untrustworthy at times. He couldn’t help but sense there was something incredibly significant about their visit. That somehow God had orchestrated this moment before the beginning of time. So he allowed them to come and look upon the child.

When Mary asked how they had known about their child, the shepherds began to share the most wonderful story with them both. They spoke of an angel of the Lord coming to tell them about this child whom they would find wrapped in cloths and be lying in a manger. The angel had said that the baby is Christ the Lord and then suddenly a great company of heavenly hosts appeared and began to praise God.

The shepherds recited the words the angels sang, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

Mary, still so young in her years, so young in her faith, sat there utterly amazed! What a gift it was to be chosen for such a task. She breathed in deeply the beauty of this moment and treasured all that had taken place in her heart like she somehow knew she would need these memories to help her in the days to come.

When all had gone, Mary sat with the tiny child cradled in her knees. She searched his face over and over again delighting in every little eye-lid flicker and every small sound. She wanted to stay like this forever. She kissed him gently on his forehead and whispered, “How greatly you are loved and how great you will love…”

 

Has God ever asked you to TRUST Him?

I mean REALLY trust Him.

To trust Him when it hurts like crazy.

To trust Him when you don’t want to let go.

To trust in His goodness and faithfulness.

To trust that when He says He loves you and will never leave you... AND that He really means it…

To trust that you are a child of God, equally valuable to Him.

To trust.

A silver Tiffany’s bracelet sits on my wrist as I write. It is scratched and tarnished with time and tears. It was gifted to me on my graduation from Mercy Ministries (Australia) many years ago now. It is a marker of God’s promises of healing and restoration in my life. It reminds me of a time when I was so broken that I didn’t know if this world could want someone like me in it much longer.

It’s a faith marker…

Wild Faith…

A marker of a time when I trusted God with my whole heart and life…

It’s a remembrance of Who He has been to me in my past and Who He still is today.

Inscribed on the heart are the words ‘Forever a Princess’.

A reminder that I am a beloved daughter of the King of all kings.

and a scripture…

 Proverbs 3:5-6

“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” (AMP)

A reminder that He is in it all with me. I am never alone.

A reminder that He has been trustworthy before and remains trustworthy now.

Old wounds that make your roots grow deep in Him

So I am still standing and proclaiming this scripture, trying to trust God with all of my heart on this new path He has set my feet on. Trying to allow Him to grow my roots down deep in His great love.

It’s been tough, exciting, joyous, freeing, but tough.

Mostly because this last season opened up old wounds where my trust had been damaged before, nobody has tried to do this to me by the way, it’s just what happened in the coming and goings of life and I’m pretty sure the enemy would love it if I never trusted again.

But, I look to my scripture and I TRUST…

It feels vulnerable and scary.

Sometimes I cry...

Sometimes the heart walls come up...

What happens if I get hurt again? What happens if disappointment rocks my world one more time? Will I break? Will I not be able to rise again?

Sometimes I feel like a mess... AND then I look to the One who holds all things and I walk...

I speak the words YES to the Lord and I proclaim His truths again and again...

“A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not quench; He will bring forth justice in truth.” – Isaiah 42:3

He doesn’t break us.

But He does unmake us.

Wild Faith in the unmaking

He unmakes all the stuff that can cause our root system to die or be hindered.

He asks us to surrender who we are and our dreams to a place of trust in Him. In doing so we lose more of ourselves and find out more of who God really is in us. His testimony burns like fire in our bellies, it shapes us like clay and He reawakens us to His constant presence and His kingdom purposes.

He is in everything, not the cause of everything, but always in it with us.

As we acknowledge Him in this space of Wild Faith, this trust, this place of deepest surrender, He is there with us.

He undoes old mindsets we didn’t even realize we still held onto and brings more freedom…and our roots grow deeper more freely.

"Don't you know that when you allow a little lie into your heart, it can permeate your entire belief system?"             - Galatians 5:9 (TPT) 

He goes into old wounds and brings the deeper healing that leads to beautiful restoration… and our roots grow deeper in quiet trust in Him.

"...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes." - Isaiah 61:3 (NIV)

He covers us in His loving kindness and grace, giving us the time and space to feel, to hurt, to cry and to once again let go and surrender everything to Him time and time again.

And the beauty here is that nothing sown has gone to waste. Every seed sown in tears will be reaped in joy… and our roots grow deep.

"They who sow in tears shall reap with joyful singing."      - Psalm 126:5 (AMP)

It’s all for Him, for His kingdom.

Trust Him today

He will breathe on the life of things to come, promises you are holding onto, dreams not yet here, restoration you long for…

Trust in Him.

Yield your heart toward Him.

He is with you and will guide you.

He will breathe life into your soul once more (Stole that from my hubby’s song LIVING WATER) over your dreams, into your deep wounds.

He will breathe…

He will unmake you in all the BEST ways and you will see who you really are as an image bearing child of the King whose roots are deep, trusting in Him.

Can I encourage you as I encourage myself to first lay it all down, give all your fears, anxieties and troubles over to God? Spend some time in worship at the foot of the cross, surrendering your heart and life to this Wild Faith, this deep trust. Press into His Word because it is a lamp unto your feet (Psalm 119:105). Step out into uncharted waters because He is with you…

He calls us to trust Him with ALL of our hearts.

Surrender your heart today beautiful one…and your roots will grow deep.

Allow the words of this song by Nicole Nordeman minister to you, or better yet, download it HERE and sit at the foot of the cross and allow the words to minister to you and help you release it all to Him today.

 Big love,

xx

If you enjoyed this post you may enjoy reading

WIDE AWAKE: The story of a soul waking up

If you'd like to grow in your Wild Faith journey, be sure to sign up to my website to gain a beautiful devotional, Wild Faith: Part One. CLICK HERE for more information

THE UNMAKING

This is demolition day

All the debris and all this dust

What is left of what once was

Sorting through what goes and what should stay

Every stone I laid for you

As if you had asked me to

Monument to holy things

Empty talk and circling

Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?

What happens now?

When all I’ve made is torn down

What happens next?

When all of you is all that’s left

This is the unmaking

Beauty and the breaking

Had to lose myself to find out who you are

Before each beginning

There must be an ending

Sitting in the rubble

I can see the stars

This is the unmaking

This is the unmaking

The longer and the tighter that we move

Only makes it harder to let go

Love will not stay locked inside

A steeple or a tower high

Only when we’re broken are we whole

What happens now?

When all I’ve made is torn down

What happens next?

When all of you is all that’s left

This is the unmaking

Beauty and the breaking

Had to lose myself to find out who you are

Before each beginning

There must be an ending

Sitting in the rubble

I can see the stars

This is the unmaking

This is the unmaking

I’ll gather the same stones where

Everything came crashing down

I’ll build you an altar there

On the same ground

Because what stood before

Was never yours

This is the unmaking

Beauty and the breaking

Had to lose myself to find out who you are

Before each beginning

There must be an ending

Sitting in the rubble

I can see the stars

This is the unmaking

This is the unmaking

Oh this is the unmaking

Had to lose myself

To find out who you are

I can barely breathe…

I swallow hard and perse my dust-encased lips closed.

I try to set my face like stone… unreadable…

My heart is heavy…

I don’t know if I can face the journey again…

My body felt weary before I even took the first step on the desiccated, dusty road to the temple in Shiloh… to worship You.

I am well. My soul is not.

It is fatigued by the inner fight. My heart is divided in this moment. I feel let down, disappointed and unable to trust that You are truly good…

I feel like a waste of space…

Unworthy…

Unloved…

Every year it’s the same…

Pennaniah mocks me and gloats over my bareness…

Bitterness then breeds all kinds of ugliness within my heart and soul toward her and toward You. It seeps in like a poison trying to kill any life or live that is left within me. I am desolate, desperate and in deep despair God.

I see their faces looking sympathetically as I saunter past. Some mock and jeer, others are filled with heartfelt empathy. I can almost hear them whisper the shame I bring upon him, Elkanah, my husband and my love.

How my heart aches for him. He loves me, I know… but I can’t help cloaking myself in the shame I know I bring on him…

My bareness…

I’m empty…

Childless…

A humiliation to my husband…

Not worthy of one portion of food let alone the double portion he places in front of me…

I cannot bear to eat a single morsel.

Why me Lord?

Have I done something wrong?

Have I not remained faithful?

Every year I set my heart on You, believing that You can and will open my womb…

Why hasn’t it happened yet?

Do You even hear me, God?

Are You not the same God who parted the Red Sea and brought down the walls of Jericho?

Aren’t You the God who has remained faithful to His people despite our constant disobedience and poor choices?

You are Him right?

I can trust You and put my hope in the one true God, can’t I?

The One who made a convent promise with Abraham that all people on earth will be blessed through him?

I am one of his children.

Is not Your covenant promise for me too?

Can You open my womb and allow me to be the bearer of life, to be called a blessed woman?

I can’t bear this garment of shame any longer.

So I run…

I run so hard, so fast…

Dust encircles me and invades my lungs and I do not care.

My tears almost blind me and I stumble forward as I arrive at the temple.

Breathless.

Panting.

Desperate.

My body trembles with exhaustion. I simply fall on my knees and weep.

All these years have taken their toll… and I am in the deepest anguish of heart…

So I am here, bursting open the floodgates of my anguished heart and pouring out the deepest parts of my aching soul before You.

Lord, my Sovereign King, it is in this moment that I choose to yield my heart and life to Your great plans.

I choose to fix my mind, my heart and my life on Your governing Lordship alone.

I choose to trust confidently that He who promised is faithful.

I will year after year come and celebrate Your blessings and Your faithfulness in my life.

I boldly ask for a son and believe that You can and will open my purposeless womb to the promise of fruitfulness.

You, God, are great and worthy of all praise.

My heart rejoices in God my savior.

There is no one who gives good gifts and loves humankind out of the purity of holiness like You do.

You breathe life into being.

I will trust You and I will thank You.

If you enjoyed this short story, you may also enjoy reading

A Christmas Tale: May it be to me as you have said...

OR ordering my book, The Freedom Sound